here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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