we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
