One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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