can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
