wanna go halves on a baby?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
