Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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