no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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