he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
