How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think i got beer on your cat.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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