Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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