just come out here and I will go home with you...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
