no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
whose parrot is this?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
