Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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