i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
