This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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