Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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