Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
