i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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