I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
