I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
