Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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