seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
