Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
