today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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