Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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