My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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