i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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