i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
