Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
