just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
