Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
