fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
