I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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