Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
