A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Holy sore nipples Batman
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
