Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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