Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
