True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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