i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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