shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
