you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
