don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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