The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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