He kissed a someone with a penis
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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