Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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