I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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