She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
