Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
