Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
