I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
